In 1956 I was 16 years old and chanced upon a freak show passing through Coney Island. There I witnessed "The Over-Bearded Man".
Instantly enthralled by the spectacle and glamour of circus life I became determined to join the show. For the next few weeks, I searched for some physical countenance that defied the average.
Imitating my hero, I began to try and grow copious facial hair but after two weeks I realised that, at best, I would be coined "Bum-fluff-man." Next I began to eat as much as I could in an attempt to become World's Largest Man. This soon proved expensive and  ended with me having my stomach pumped after ingesting three tubs of lard, after trying to accelerate the process at low cost.

There was, however, an interesting side effect to my overeating and I finally talked the show into hiring me under the guise "Pimple Man." After a disappointing first night turnout I was fired after only 25 minutes. Soon after, the freak show left town and I knew I would forever remain relegated the "normal".